Sunday, March 22, 2009

Dead Shit..

To my love Md. s.... I love u for all my life.. you've been supporting me all this while.. and watever shit it is.. I'm all alone today.. Shit.. I'm confuzzed in my life.. Where can i go? what can i do?? What will our future be?? How long will our marriage last?? When will be having a child?? I'm struggling in my life.. Should i go back to start a part time?? I got a list to do by this april.. I need money.. I need to buy a notebook so i can start working on my internet job.. I need it so i can tell my stories in blog.. Go to skype.. Basically its more for job.. And by this coming salry i will need:-
1. I need abt S$300/- to buy the pdt for my internet job.
2. I need abt S$346.15 to buy the notebook
3. I need abt S$200/- to enrol on my teaching course (as i wan2 upgrade myself and this is one in a lifetime opportunity to achieve my goal and dream.
4. As usual i need to give my mum $450/-
5. My S$160.24 handphone bills... Arghh!!!

And some more my daily expenditures.. My husband is schooling.. His bus fares, food.. OMG!!! Wen will god stop torturing me like this..?? I need a loan.. But 1 got 1 good gossip news.. And i'm not sure bout it.. Some of my colleages says that there'll be bonus coming.. If it comes, that's good.. But if it isn't then i'm fucking hell dead.. Haiz

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Today, i'm all alone.. My husband went for his school camping and will be back in 2 days time.. I feel unsecure (always).. Trying to maintain my emos.. Cos in the morning before he goes off, i called his few times to check on his status.. Hoping he wld cancel the trip.. But out of anger he said tome, " Pls stop being so controlling freak. I'm only gone for 2days and you were already like a mad women." I paused and hang up on him. I move on today without continue to think abt him and now i did. I try to keep myself motivated by listening to the 'Miss Independent' song by Ne-yo.. I'm too in love with my husband and seeing myself being unsecure.. I need help to control my emotions for him.. I tried to ignore him but i can't.. anyway, I did.. And i will try again.