I feel bored today.. Hmmm.. after my mum chased us out of the house, we became more independent.. I love my husband more.. but i have this feeling he still cheats on me.. i can't accuse but to wait till the time comes.. he still hit me sometimes.. but wat can i do?? i feel near yet far.. wat is this?? he said i irritate him sometimes.. damn.. i feel so like shit sia.. like today, his break time is 2hr.. not even a sec he called to check on me.. infact, he have never checked on me at all.. only i'm the one who's keep on calling.. understand he;s using prepaid.. but don tell me, that to waste just 10cents on me is hard for him.. god, wtf am i goin through?? who am i with now?? my husband / or stranger?? arhgg.. forget boput it.. as long as i son get to find out again that he cheats on me.. bloody hurts..

Return

Hi, many things happened these few month or weeks indeed. My parents chased out of hse n now i'm staying in my papa's hse. my papa went to prison for drugs again.. hotdog nothing.. my husband no difference.. I don understand this life.. my sis worst!! i hate this life.. full of miserables!! miah resigned.. hotdog try to get away from me i guess.. ok lah.. gtg!!

Back to normal

Its been quite a long time that i didn't write.. Haiz.. Recently, there's lot of unneccesary problems happening while yan in school. I hope non of this will happen again.. Let me tell the story... This all happen not just because of misunderstandings.. This all is because money, less time together n miscommunication.. I love my husband alot.. He is schooling.. Few times i happen to caught him 'cheating' on me which he denies.. Nobody admits their mistake UNLESS they were caught red handed n had no choice but to admit..

I caught him smsing a girl.. Nurul.. Not only once but few times.. He said she's just a schoolmate.. I doubt it.. Because, a schoolmate would have something important to talk about at 2am in the morning.. It hurts cos i'm his wife.. I've been so patientwith him as for our daughter and my love sake.. My daughter will see us for above..

Second.. He had Gonorhhea!!!! That is STUPID... He fucked girls outside.. He claims that he fucked that girl about 8mths before his symptoms occurs.. Which is unlogic!! Cos i got the symptom a few days after we had sex while he is having his 'sickness'.. I didn't suspect anything.. But it became worst few days after.. He urines BLOOD!!! n having yellow discharge.. Then i start to suspect.. It hurts more.. Shit.. Wat the fuck man?? Having this sickness is fast infected as i made a research.. It occurs between 2 to 7 days after intercourse.. He fooled me.. Nevermind its ok.. I'm not ready to move on without him.. I'll be patient.. Fuck.. This is humiliating, unfaithful, disgusting, annoying, frustrating n more 'ings'....

Two days ago as i came back from night shift in the morning i saw this beautiful 'present' caught my eye as i thought my husband bought for me as an apology.. I don't really expect a present but i would be so happy if he do so.. As he about to go to work.. I asked who's the present for?? It seem so beautiful from outside it.. First he said it is from his colleague at his part time job!! Then.. He suddenly changed it.. Said it actually for me..

I was very happy indeed.. OMG!! A present for me.. As he went out to work.. I opened the present.. N i found a shocking truth that is not for me.. It's a MEN body lotion n cologne!! WTF!!! I'm hurt again.. In a nice packaging?? A MEN's body care?? I suspected.. N everyone WILL assume the same thing.. FROM A GIRL!!! He denies again.. He gave me a 'fairy tale'.. He said the day before after work his MALE classmate (Yusri) made a bet out of his date of birth.. (???)
N he won.. So his 'fren' bought the Body Shop for MEN n the item happens to come with a nice packaging.. A red ribbon n a lime green box?? As what i know that Body Shop will not pack it in a 'nice' way UNLESS that person asked for it.. Get wat I mean? Sound so STUPID.. Thinking I'm a kid.. HEY GROW UP!!! I'M YOUR WIFE!!!

Arrggghhh!!! He denies it till now.. Its Like WATEVER!!!! I don fuck care.. Ya i'll just shut up.. N be patient.. But in my heart.. It is torn to peaces... Allah.. Please give faith to me to go through all hardships.. I wan2 be a loyal n faithful waife to him.. Allah.. Please open his heart make him realise wat his doing now.. I love him n wan2 have his kids again.. He is the only man that i love.. Please answer my prayers Allah...

Sad

I feel so sad... I cried.. I love him.. He says i humiliate him but.. I feel the pain in my heart.. I love him so much.. I was assulted.. Allah give me peace in mind.. Putri, pls pray for our happiness.. I feel pain on my body.. But the pain in my heart is deeper.. Kill me!!! I hate this life.. God take my soul away.. Let me be with Putri.... I hate it.. I love him.. But i hate life!!! God y u punish me this WAY?? I love u muhammad sufiyan.. But... U dare to hurt mr.. How dare u... Y don u have a feeling for me?? *SOB*-_-...

Today i feel frustrated with my husband.. He really piss me off.. Fuck!!! He said he had 20bucks that he finish it for a day in school?? He asked for 30bucks from me.. I don mind about that in the first place.. Yesterday i bought him a shoe n a nice bag that he longing for.. He asked why i bought for him?? Fuck!! Wat hell qsn is that??? He didn't even say thanks.. I hate him.. He seem so happy that i i gave him the 30bucks just now.. gosh... Wat is he been up to?? I love him.. Pls.. Don let him fool me like a stupid pig... I don like to be a fool wat can i do??? Shit!!!!!!

I miss Syaza Puteri Nursufrina.. Bile mama nk cium, peluk, bergurau dgn putri?? Mama rindu sangat.. Everyday, mama ingat puteri.. Syg, maafkan mama.. Mama jahat abaikan putri.. But i still love u n miss u all along.. Putri tinggalkan mama terlalu cepat dan tak sempat mama tgk putri besar, pegi skola.. Mama slalu mimpi putri.. itu putri ke?? syg teman mama dalam mimpi/ tdo mama?? mama sentiase akan do'a kan putri, bace al fatehah, dan segalenye utk putri.. I love u dear.. Pls don leave me in my dreams.. Pls protect papa n mama.. Mama n papa will always pray for u in heaven sayang.. Miss u so much dear.. Life w/o u is so different n its always better wen u were ard.. Ya, Allah, Pls protct my baby girl that now belongs to u.. Thank you Allah..

Dead Shit..

To my love Md. s.... I love u for all my life.. you've been supporting me all this while.. and watever shit it is.. I'm all alone today.. Shit.. I'm confuzzed in my life.. Where can i go? what can i do?? What will our future be?? How long will our marriage last?? When will be having a child?? I'm struggling in my life.. Should i go back to start a part time?? I got a list to do by this april.. I need money.. I need to buy a notebook so i can start working on my internet job.. I need it so i can tell my stories in blog.. Go to skype.. Basically its more for job.. And by this coming salry i will need:-
1. I need abt S$300/- to buy the pdt for my internet job.
2. I need abt S$346.15 to buy the notebook
3. I need abt S$200/- to enrol on my teaching course (as i wan2 upgrade myself and this is one in a lifetime opportunity to achieve my goal and dream.
4. As usual i need to give my mum $450/-
5. My S$160.24 handphone bills... Arghh!!!
Stress!!

And some more my daily expenditures.. My husband is schooling.. His bus fares, food.. OMG!!! Wen will god stop torturing me like this..?? I need a loan.. But 1 got 1 good gossip news.. And i'm not sure bout it.. Some of my colleages says that there'll be bonus coming.. If it comes, that's good.. But if it isn't then i'm fucking hell dead.. Haiz