Sad

I feel so sad... I cried.. I love him.. He says i humiliate him but.. I feel the pain in my heart.. I love him so much.. I was assulted.. Allah give me peace in mind.. Putri, pls pray for our happiness.. I feel pain on my body.. But the pain in my heart is deeper.. Kill me!!! I hate this life.. God take my soul away.. Let me be with Putri.... I hate it.. I love him.. But i hate life!!! God y u punish me this WAY?? I love u muhammad sufiyan.. But... U dare to hurt mr.. How dare u... Y don u have a feeling for me?? *SOB*-_-...

Today i feel frustrated with my husband.. He really piss me off.. Fuck!!! He said he had 20bucks that he finish it for a day in school?? He asked for 30bucks from me.. I don mind about that in the first place.. Yesterday i bought him a shoe n a nice bag that he longing for.. He asked why i bought for him?? Fuck!! Wat hell qsn is that??? He didn't even say thanks.. I hate him.. He seem so happy that i i gave him the 30bucks just now.. gosh... Wat is he been up to?? I love him.. Pls.. Don let him fool me like a stupid pig... I don like to be a fool wat can i do??? Shit!!!!!!

I miss Syaza Puteri Nursufrina.. Bile mama nk cium, peluk, bergurau dgn putri?? Mama rindu sangat.. Everyday, mama ingat puteri.. Syg, maafkan mama.. Mama jahat abaikan putri.. But i still love u n miss u all along.. Putri tinggalkan mama terlalu cepat dan tak sempat mama tgk putri besar, pegi skola.. Mama slalu mimpi putri.. itu putri ke?? syg teman mama dalam mimpi/ tdo mama?? mama sentiase akan do'a kan putri, bace al fatehah, dan segalenye utk putri.. I love u dear.. Pls don leave me in my dreams.. Pls protect papa n mama.. Mama n papa will always pray for u in heaven sayang.. Miss u so much dear.. Life w/o u is so different n its always better wen u were ard.. Ya, Allah, Pls protct my baby girl that now belongs to u.. Thank you Allah..

Dead Shit..

To my love Md. s.... I love u for all my life.. you've been supporting me all this while.. and watever shit it is.. I'm all alone today.. Shit.. I'm confuzzed in my life.. Where can i go? what can i do?? What will our future be?? How long will our marriage last?? When will be having a child?? I'm struggling in my life.. Should i go back to start a part time?? I got a list to do by this april.. I need money.. I need to buy a notebook so i can start working on my internet job.. I need it so i can tell my stories in blog.. Go to skype.. Basically its more for job.. And by this coming salry i will need:-
1. I need abt S$300/- to buy the pdt for my internet job.
2. I need abt S$346.15 to buy the notebook
3. I need abt S$200/- to enrol on my teaching course (as i wan2 upgrade myself and this is one in a lifetime opportunity to achieve my goal and dream.
4. As usual i need to give my mum $450/-
5. My S$160.24 handphone bills... Arghh!!!
Stress!!

And some more my daily expenditures.. My husband is schooling.. His bus fares, food.. OMG!!! Wen will god stop torturing me like this..?? I need a loan.. But 1 got 1 good gossip news.. And i'm not sure bout it.. Some of my colleages says that there'll be bonus coming.. If it comes, that's good.. But if it isn't then i'm fucking hell dead.. Haiz

Today, i'm all alone.. My husband went for his school camping and will be back in 2 days time.. I feel unsecure (always).. Trying to maintain my emos.. Cos in the morning before he goes off, i called his few times to check on his status.. Hoping he wld cancel the trip.. But out of anger he said tome, " Pls stop being so controlling freak. I'm only gone for 2days and you were already like a mad women." I paused and hang up on him. I move on today without continue to think abt him and now i did. I try to keep myself motivated by listening to the 'Miss Independent' song by Ne-yo.. I'm too in love with my husband and seeing myself being unsecure.. I need help to control my emotions for him.. I tried to ignore him but i can't.. anyway, I did.. And i will try again.